Hungry Hungry Mutants
by Assassin For Hire
Summary: Slice-of-life comedy involving the team, stacked hamburger buns, diced broccoli, and missing steak sauce. X-Men BBQ madness! We graciously appreciate reviews. :>


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HUNGRY-HUNGRY MUTANTS  
**an exercise in hilarity at yonder evening barbecue...**  
**(lotsa inside jokes about broccoli in this one...bear with us ;)  
**============================================**

**THE CREWERS:****  
Krista** - Cyclops, Gambit, Wolverine, Storm  
**Jessica ** - Phoenix, Psylocke**  
Michael** - Dark Cloak (self-made character)**  
Wyley** - Colossus**  
Anne** - guest-starring as Jubilee

  
  
  
**CYCLOPS** Ah, yes. Beef. It's what for dinner. With the garden patio prettily dressed up with Betsy's imported-touch-them-and-you die lanterns, the Xavier Academy backyard was looking quite the place to be this evening. With deeply aromatic smoke curling from the grill and plenty of home-cooked food on the picnic table, Scott Summers stood behind the barbecue, lording over the hamburgers, hot dogs and steaks. It was purely a mental battle between him and the frying meat, considering that Cyclops meant BUSINESS when he put on The Apron.

"Did somebody steal the steak sauce?"

His shaded eyes were instantly set on Gambit.

**COLOSSUS** Stepping out onto the patio, Colossus' head unconsciously collided with one of the imported lamps of Betsy's, knocking it from its position. It barely brushed the ruffle of his crew cut dark hair, but the lamp toppled to the garden patio floor in a pile of material. He stared down at the heap of components, slickly maneuvering around and away from the evidence knowing well Betsy would have revenge. Still, her violent urges would probably be deflected to one of two possible places: one, shorter-armed with thickets of hair--a flashback to the stone age, and the other blue in complexion--blonde to boot. Yes, it's good not to piss off one of the women in the house...

**PHOENIX **As the unofficial matriarch of the little family gathered in the back courtyard, Jean Grey-Summers was appropriately assigning tasks. Rogue had been tasked with bringing out the coolers and such, Jubilee with making sure there was enough cutlery and dishware to satisfy the group and, mercifully, Gambit had been declared the official .... broccoli cutter? Sweet revenge. The warmth of the evening had allowed Phoenix to a white baby-tee and capris, her fair complexion kept free of the sun's rays and her hair kept back by -someone's- white baseball cap.

"Ask Hank. I think I saw him heading down to his lab with it," Jean answered her husband, chuckling.

**DARK CLOAK** In usual fashion, Gary Davis arrived in silence, drifting in like a shadow. But, some divine edict had him out of his usual ebon garb, and he was in a positively festive white button-down shirt, along with a pair of khaki slacks. Social gatherings were not his forte, at least without a pile of unintelligible formulae he had to explain. He did, however, have the sense to dodge Betsy's lanterns. Wisdom beyond his years indeed rested on his shoulders. Or maybe just a familiarity with the rather lethal quality normally tucked away within said Ms. Braddock. Dark Cloak moved towards the cluster of mutants gathered 'round yon Char-Broil, pausing briefly to eye the crimson-eyed mutant sullenly chopping broccoli. A slight smirk managed to escape his stoic facade as he moved along. 

**JUBILEE**sat at a table, a small sculpture in her hand and an exacto knife in the other as she leaned over the table, carefully peeling away layer upon layer of clay, her eyes aching from the strain. The young woman, her raven hair tied back from her face in a long braid that fell down her back, stood, setting the sculpture aside in favour of a drink, and perhaps, a snack. She stood, leaving her room and heading for the kitchen.

**CYCLOPS** Something about men and lighter fluids. It seems Cyclops was having a heyday tonight with the grill--the one he kept immaculately free of grease on the outside--cooking enough food to feed a third world country. Of course, being around fire and machinery, well...he was in his element. And that meant he was feeling especially jovial and un-Summers-like this evening.

"Then tell Hank to get back here, pronto," Jean's husband answered, raising his voice just a little louder than normal to be heard over the pandemonium. "I don't care if you have to exercise a little Phoenix power to get him here. I want my A-1 back."

Fearless' voice calmed to a sweeter tone as he neared his wife, whereupon a private kiss was set atop the side of her temple. He soon spun around, however, spotting a little filly in the crowd.

"Ribs?"

Scott was almost sure he saw Jubilee jump at the sudden offering.

**COLOSSUS** Eyeing the married couple with little more than a sneer, Colossus escaped to the solace of the bamboo, torch-lit arena around the Olympic-sized pool. He was disturbed by emotions and solitude alike. Tonight, there was no in-between. The bipolar mind of the hulking Colossus was reeling at a few thousand frames per second as flashbacks of old times infected his mind. He sighed as he settled himself upon a lawn chair, creasing his cargo shorts and letting his unbuttoned denim shirt and white undershirt conform to the new position. He sat. And began thinking.

**PHOENIX** Red eyed past her husband's imposing frame, half smiling at his jests. But she was intent on the figure inside the mansion.

"Hey Jubes? Mind checking the fridge for the A1 sauce?" Jean called inside pleasantly, hoping to draw the young woman outside. Turning then to Gary, she raised a brow, then smiled. What was usually a sweet smile looked predatory.

"Gary, nice to see you. You can set out the hamburger buns."

A little laughter, and the bags had been thrust upon the relatively quiet engineer.

**DARK CLOAK** quirked a brow at Jean.

"Good to see you too," he noted, as she had already swirled away to 'delegate' other duties. Meandering over to the condiment-laden table, he decided upon the more flamboyant course, stacking the said buns in a perfectly architectured fashion, neatly staggered and layered.

**GAMBIT **eyed the teammate approaching his area.

"Mmmn... Not a picnic but hard labor, _homme_, no?"

Gambit couldn't help but feel Gary's pain. Jean had set him to work on those confounded broccoli for twenty minutes now, which, according to his patience, was simply far too long for comfort. Thankfully, he had his handy flask at his side and the bottom was a long way to go before his SoCo ran out--the Soco that was stolen from Logan's stash in the back fridge, of course.

"_Bon_, Remy suppose he could use a lil' help..."

Those eerie scarlet eyes dashed around the courtyard until they spotted...Colossus.

"PETE! _Mon beau frere_! Make yourself useless and come help little ol' me finish the salad, _s'il vous plait_? They're being especially difficult tonight!"

And with an impromptu, "Bwaha!" he maniacally cut some of the broccoli to shreds, grinning roguishly at the Phoenix all the while.

**COLOSSUS **Eyes of ice maneuvered around to cast over at the Cajun. _Doesn't anyone know better than to give a Cajun with the mental maturity of a 5 year old a knife?_ he thought to himself before pulling out from his self-reflective state and moved over to the chopping block Remy was assigned to. He eyed the mountain of greenery and shook his head. 

"Who has the broccoli fetish and why haven't we done something about it yet?" Colossus said, before idly grabbing a knife and setting to work on a broccoli stalk.

**PSYLOCKE** stepped out onto the porch past her rather silent friend, amethyst eyes watching her lanterns carefully.

"Don't worry, Mistah Davis. The Cavalry has arrived." 

She was dressed the part for a late summer barbeque like the rest of them, a gauzy lavender dress flattering her trim figure. Gambit and Pete looked to be conspiring against Jean, much to the Asian Brit's amusement, and Summers was intensely studying the steak. And then she noticed the table.

"My God, that's beautiful," she joked, referring, as Jean had, to his elegant placement of hamburger buns.

**WOLVERINE** stealthily made his entrance.

"Piotr '_Look At Me And Kiss Your Ass Goodbye_' Rasputin... taking orders from the Cajun..." came the slow, husky drawl of the lone northerner and his stout frame entering the foyer soon thereafter. "I think I've seen everything."

As the cloud of smoke from his stogie parted, Wolverine's sleepy evening face was revealed, smirking readily.

"Smells good out here," he confided to the other guys. "What's Summers been doing--cooking his own kill?"

Logan chuckled snidely at his joke, alone.

"Evening, Betts."

At the ninja's entrance, Wolverine's gaze was anything but feral.......

**PSYLOCKE **raised a brow in a manner that could only be described as elegant, a sly smirk permeating her features.

"Splendid, isn't it? Really, all you need is an accent now, dahling."

Eyeing Gary's handiwork, she nodded in satisfaction, and then... snatched the very top bun for herself.

"The heavens weep, for such glorious architecture has been defiled."

A glance was spared sidelong, her chin descending fractionally in what passed for a nod of acknowledgement in the Braddock bloodline.

"Logan."

**COLOSSUS** Unhumored by the appearance of the stout and overly thicketed midget _unaffectionately_ called Logan, Piotr snorted, flipping the knife to an underhanded fighting position, coldly staring Logan down.

"Don't test me little man..." 

Said more derogatorily than threateningly as he no longer feared any physical harm that could possibly be inflicted by the neanderthal.

"Seeing as you are more suited for the job, you walking utility knife, you do the broccoli.."

**WOLVERINE **shrugged innocently at Piotr, letting three, foot-long claws rip out from his skeleton in the blink of an eye.

"Suits me just fine, bub. I like makin' myself useful."

And with that, he turned his forearm over and settled on dicing the broccolis in a very effective and quick manner, tightly closing his fist and jabbing at the cutting board indiscriminately. Nevermind that he'd probably just defiled the sterility of the vegetables at hand. But hey, the broccoli was finally ready for the salad. Won't Mrs. Summers be happy about that. Speaking of which... Red was looking especially becoming tonight...

Wolverine suddenly forgot about Betsy and preyed his attention on the Summers couple, deciding to be more conversational tonight. Even with Boy Scout, if necessary. Being friendly was the 'cool' thing to do tonight.

**DARK CLOAK** "And it is said - "Weep no more. Gary doth murder sorrow."

Pausing a moment, Gary shook his head.

"I imagine I have sent Mr. Shakespeare into a tail spin in his own grave. Best that it was you being the first to seize yon morsel from the Baked Tower there. I imagine anyone else would have aimed to send it toppling over." 

**COLOSSUS** Abandoning the irritating little man, Piotr tore through the grass back to the solitude of the poolside area. He sat on the lawn chair and eyed the water as it reflected the light of the lamps and the moon and the torches. He sighed. Not really hungry at the moment, more pissed than anything. Bipolarity at its worst. The mood swings were vicious. There was either extreme jubilation or extreme anger. Thus is the curse of this Colossus.

**PSYLOCKE** "Everyone else would have found themselves in the pool, I suspect, if that had occurred," Betsy concluded, gingerly reaching for one of the sizzling hamburgers as per Cyclops' expert cooking, to place it atop the bun she'd selected.

"In fact, that's not too shabby an idea at all. I think it's time for Logan's yearly bath, anyhow, isn't it?"

Yes, she deliberately spoke up. He would have caught her remark anyhow, with his hearing. She grinned wickedly.

**STORM **was wickedly amused, for one. The timelessly beautiful African woman had been quietly working on her dinner all this time. Cyclops allowed her the first portion as it had mostly been she who set up most of the decorations and, in a rather spectacular show of her gifts, shocked the electric plugs alive.

"Actually, Psylocke, I believe an evening swim would be most welcoming right now. It has been getting rather stuffy in here with all the smoke. Hot, too. I shall have to do something to remedy that."

Storm couldn't help but grace the others with a smile.

"But perhaps later. I see Cyclops is in need of a good interruption right about now..."

The dark goddess' high brow rose in reference to Logan. Whatever Wolverine was saying to Cyclops, Scott certainly wasn't looking impressed with any of it........

  
  
  
Yeeargh! Another unfinished RP by The Crew?! We're working on it!

**Disclaimer: **X-Men are Marvel folk. Thank you for reading. Please review us!


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